Leathery latte, anyone? Petroleum piccolo? How about a skunky short black, a cardboard cappuccino or a mouldy macchiato?
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As the saying goes, there's no accounting for taste, but surely these flavours would not find too much favour in your local cafe.
And yet they are actual descriptions used by Southern Cross University researchers to compile a universal coffee vocabulary, one of several projects underway to improve and expand Australia's coffee industry.
About one per cent of the coffee we drink in Australia is grown here, despite several zones with suitable climates and a devoted population of coffee drinkers.
With 99 per cent of total coffee consumption from imported beans, mostly from South America, Australia's caffeine love affair racks up some serious food miles, a significant driver of climate change.
Southern Cross researchers are on a mission to change that, and to shrink the journey from plant to cup, while supporting the development of a sustainable, commercially viable industry.
In one project funded by AgriFutures Australia, Dr Ben Liu is matching the different tastes of coffee to 50,000 chemical markers.
Does coffee have a terroir?
"The aim is to identify and describe the unique sensory attributes of Australian coffee, particularly in relation to terroir, and how these findings relate to the palates of coffee consumers," said Dr Liu.
Terroir refers to the environmental, varietal and agricultural factors that inform sensory experience. The term is well known in the wine industry and is becoming increasingly important for coffee.
In June 2022, Dr Liu and colleagues from Southern Cross University's Faculty of Science and Engineering co-authored a paper on the subject, also developing a colourful sensory character wheel with some surprising mouthfeel and acidity descriptors for coffee like gritty, silky, winey and vinegary.
Professor Tobias Kretzschmar said that while coffee is a niche industry in Australia, expansion is being held back by current practice and lack of varietal choice.
"The subtropical Australian coffee industry is based on one imported cultivar, namely the K7 variety of Coffea arabica, which needs constant pruning and this increases labour costs and affects production," he said.
"While coffee production in Australia is currently restricted to Northern NSW and southern Queensland coastal areas and the Atherton table lands, new cultivars, especially if they exhibit some degree of frost tolerance, could expand the range significantly, increasing the industry footprint."
The good news is that AgriFutures Australia has identified and invested in the growth potential of the Australian coffee industry.
This includes a partnership with Southern Cross University and the Australian Subtropical Coffee Association to secure access to new coffee cultivars. The University has also partnered with World Coffee Research, which has provided 25 coffee accessions from 10 countries. These are currently being trialled at the University's coffee site near the Lismore campus and the Atherton tablelands.